Here we are nearing the end of August and nearly a month has past since I last wrote. It's not for lack of wanting, but this past month has been difficult. It's funny...I keep running into acquaintances who follow me on Instagram and they'll say, "You've had the most gorgeous summer ever!" And yes, it has been gorgeous in so many ways. But social media is terribly one-sided I'm afraid. In fact this summer, Instagram has really been an escape for me- a way to showcase the beautiful moments of each day and escape the underlying realities.
Since January, my mom's health has been declining. The link between Parkinson's and depression is well established given the fact that Parkinson’s affects many parts of the brain that are crucial to controlling mood. My mom has been suffering greatly for the past eight months, and without getting into the specifics, I can tell you that it has been an emotional roller coaster for the entire family. There were many points at which we thought we might lose her. For those of you that have been reading here for a while, you'll know that I count my mom as one of my very best friends. And so not only is this entering into the very heavy territory of 'caring for your parents as they age' it is also veering into the 'losing your best friend' territory. A double whammy of emotions, if you will.
So in between a book tour, a month in Northern Michigan, and an August filled with wonderful work opportunities, I've been back and forth to the Detroit area trying my best to be there for her. Mental illness is a bitch, to put it bluntly. There is no outward sign of disease, and yet the suffering is so real and so terrible. There are moments when I lose my patience and think, "Just pull yourself together." More moments than I'd like to admit. I want to see her fight to reclaim her happiness, and yet I know it's not that simple. Throughout the past year, with all of its heartache, I have realized how incredibly thankful I am for the support of my husband, who has been loving and caring for my mother as if she was his own. And then there are my boys, who love my mom with such a pure, selfless love. Their presence brings her great joy during this dark time.
And so here we are, all finally back in Providence, settling in for the school year ahead and hoping that we've made it out of the woods for now. It will be a year of great change for us. Both boys will be in school full-time this year, and I will continue working at their school part time. It is going to be busy, to say the least, but the boys are ready. It's quite amazing to see how they've matured and grown this summer. They are busy these days running around with their friends, eager to spread their wings. It all reminds me of how precious time is, and how unbelievably fast it all goes by (I mean, remember when I had two little BABIES??!!).
*The photos here are from my quick trip to NYC- Saipua and Frances Palmer's gorgeous home studio and gardens. So much beauty.