Birthday Weekend
Bullied
But this morning, our time at the playground was interrupted by a bully, and I have to say, I'm not sure I handled the situation well, which is why it keeps playing in my mind. Vijay is a very docile, almost shy kid at the playground- he doesn't take other kids toys (yet!) or get in their way- he pretty much keeps himself entertained, and is very happy to play on his own.
He was doing just that, playing with an excavator in the sand, while I was sitting on the bench looking on, when a child his age came over and took his toy. Obviously this happens all the time- no big deal. I never jump in as I view it as the other parents job to deal with their child's behavior in the manner they see fit. However, I was shocked when the other mom said to her son, "Very good, now the little boy is sharing the excavator with you. After you have a turn, we'll let him use it again."
Ummm....what? That is not sharing- your child took the toy that my child was actively playing with. Of course that child had no use for the toy, so he threw it, and took off. I went and retrieved it, and made my way back to Vijay, who had big elephant tears rolling silently down his cheeks. I sat in the sand with him, and he sat in my lap, repeating, "Mama," as if for reassurance. We began to play together with the toy. The little boy came over again, and took it out of my hands. I explained, "Sweetie, we are playing with this toy. There are many other toys to play with. Can we please have it back." To which his mom replied, "Well, you have been playing with this one for a while." As if there were not 100 other toys to play with, and as if her son had any real interest in playing with the toy. The boy quickly discarded the toy, and the same scenario played out at least four or five more times, the boy actually laughing, and aggressively patting/slapping Vijay on the head the last time. Each time, I tried to explain to the child that we were playing with the toy, and each time he grabbed it out of our hands- and his mother did nothing. I couldn't bring myself to pull the toy back out of his hands- I couldn't do that to a child- and I was speechless, not knowing what to say to this mother- herself, a bully.
I almost died. I was too shocked to say anything, and so I just sat there, with my son- both of us feeling bullied.
There is no manual that prepares you for parenthood- but I don't feel I handled this situation to the best of my abilities. Should I have said something to the mother- "Your son is being inappropriate, and I would appreciate you giving us some space?" Should I have just gotten up and left- made a point that way?
What I do know is that my heart broke seeing Vijay's reaction, his crestfallen face, and retreat into my lap. I can't imagine when the stakes are higher- when we're talking about middle school bullies, or high school bullies, and when Vijay can articulate his hurt feelings. Will I be that mom that sounds the battle cry and takes on the bullies for my child? Or will I try to talk to the bully's parents? Or will I try to give Vijay the tools to handle the bully on his own terms?
I don't know the answers- and I am sorry if this story is long-winded, and seems very silly- but it brings up feelings of vulnerability as a parent. What is the best way to protect our children from bullies (and their parents), while still teaching them to stand up for themselves. Clearly, I don't know the answer.
Watering Cans
Metal watering can
Waterproof Modge Podge
Brush
Paper flower cut- out (I found these images in a vintage botanical book I happened to have)
1. Make sure the outside of the watering can is clean and dry before starting project.
2. Cut out a flower (or botanical) image, and, using a brush, cover the backside with a coat of Modge Podge.
3. Stick the cut-out to the watering can and give it a top coat of Modge Podge. Use a wet cloth to clean up any drips or smears (although Modge Podge dries clear, smudges and drips will show on the bare metal).
4. Allow to dry thoroughly before using to water plants!
Note: I plan on bringing these in when it rains, because although I used waterproof Modge Podge, I don't want to test my luck!
Here We Go...
Ready for this gold-star parenting story? Friday was a tough day- my husband was out of town, so I was on baby duty from 6am- 7:30pm without a break- a long day. Friday also happened to be 4/20, a date that means something here in college town. Vijay woke up from his nap around 3, we had lunch and decided to walk up to campus to see if our favorite jugglers were on the main green. As we neared the grounds, it started to smell strongly of pot- not like one kid toking up in his dorm room, but like clouds of smoke. I was confused...
Then we came to the green- we literally walked onto the green at 4:20 on 4/20- the national holiday of marijuana. Here I am, pushing my BABY through the cloud of smoke, desperately trying to get through to the other side and laughing hysterically to myself, while all around us, about one thousand students are smoking up. I just about died. Seriously- parenting award of the year goes to....
Like I said...we find reasons to laugh.
Being Present
But until that invention comes along, I'll just have to do things the old fashioned way. When I realized today was Thursday, and the week was in its end stages, rather than beginning, I was flabbergasted. Where did the time go? My mom was here- and we packed in full days- but sometimes, especially since becoming a mother, I wonder what exactly I do with my time.
If someone were to ask me what I did today, I suppose my answer would sound pretty mundane. We had a morning bath, and French toast for breakfast. I walked Vijay to the construction site up the road and watched the trucks at work for a while, then we made our way to the park. We came home for snack time, and nap time, and this afternoon we will most likely head to the park, and then to the library to play at the train table. This will be followed by a second bath (he attracts dirt better than a Swiffer), dinner and multiple readings of I Love Trucks. I will not get any work done, nor have time to clean the house. But I will feel pretty good about finding the time to plant a few flowers in the pots on my porch. Other than that- it will not be a "productive" day, but a busy, full, beautiful, tiring (see above picture!) day.
As mothers, I think we need to learn to redefine our idea of productiveness. I am trying to shift my mindset from 'doing' to 'being.' Being present for my little one- it might not be glamorous, and there are times it is extremely monotonous- but I can't think of a better way to spend my day.
The Perfect Kind of Party
Weekend Shopping
Here are a few of my favorites! If you have any other cute styles to add, leave a comment and help me out!
Local St. John
(okra)
New England gardeners and farmers would be jealous to know that on St. John's they enjoy a growing season that lasts 365 days a year!
(loofah, when dried and peeled, this is what we use to scrub away in the shower- too cool!)
The farm supplies organic produce to hotels, restaurants and private chefs on both St. John's and the neighboring St. Thomas. With the productivity of the land, it is no wonder that they are able to provide such volume. The small farmstand on site featured a fridge packed full with interesting greens and aromatic herbs. My mom and I both agreed that it made us crave a big ole' flavorful salad right then and there.
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