In the Shadows

This picture was taken back in 2006, while vacationing in Sevilla, Spain.  I was watching a religious parade, where burning floats adorned with crosses and saints weave their way through the streets in celebration of Easter, when a man approached me in the crowd.  He started speaking in rapid Spanish, pausing only for a moment when I asked, "English?"  He laughed, and asked me (in perfect English), if he could take my picture.  He was trying to capture the faces of Sevilla woman- which was the reason for his laugh, as I was clearly a foreigner.  He snapped one picture, that's it, then handed me his card, telling me I could email him if I wanted a copy of the picture- and as fast as he had appeared, he was gone.

I didn't think of it again until months later, when I found his card tucked in my purse.  I wrote him, and requested a copy of the picture, which he sent right away.  "So beautiful," read his email, "I love this picture.  I hope you too."  In all honesty, I was disappointed- it was dark, and you can hardly see my face.  I tucked the email into a folder and never really thought of it again.  Until yesterday...

Cleaning out my email, I happened upon this picture.  It has been over 5 years since I last laid eyes on it.  Time has changed my view.  I am absolutely and utterly in love with this picture, and it speaks to me in volumes now.  This captures so many of my emotions right now- feeling at times like I am cloaked in the shadows of motherhood.  The "real me"- the one who showers everyday, can hold an adult conversation and stay awake past 9pm, whose floors are not covered in stale Cheerios- is still there, with hopes and dreams that will one day have the space to be fully realized.  For now, there are pieces of me that remain in the shadows.  Which is just fine- this is life, as it is now, and there is such beauty, joy, struggle and tenderness in this life.  The other stuff can wait- it's there, building and growing, but it can wait.

photo credit: michel fraile