Mother's Intuition

I have several friends with three or more children.  They amaze me.  What I admire the most is their mothers intuition.  I have one particular friend who has two boys, and a little girl.  Her boys are rough and tumble, always running, jumping, climbing and in turn, getting hurt.  She handles their scrapes with such an clear head...no pressing the panic button, no hysteria.  Recently, one of her boys fell off some kind of play structure and busted his head open.  She took him to the hospital for stitches, and never even thought to call off our dinner.  It wasn't until we came over that we discovered they had spent the afternoon in the ER.  If that were me...I would have needed a week to recover and get my wits about me.

During my little one's first few months, I spent a lot of time at the pediatricians.  Not because he was sick, but because I worried over every little thing.  He scratched his face and it seemed really red.  He pooped and it seemed really green.  He had a runny nose and it seems really thick.  You get the picture!

I am just now, five months in, learning to tap into my mother's intuition.  I respect my pediatrician, but I am starting to realize that no one knows my baby as well as I do.  My little guy weighs 17 pounds, at five months.  He has a huge appetite, and because of this, had stopped sleeping through the night.  He was back to waking up, starving, at 3am.  I knew it was time to start solids.  My pediatrician told me to wait until six months.  After talking with several moms and researching the topic, I determined that there is no cut-and-dry age for starting solids.  So...we gave it a try.  He LOVED it...he was opening his mouth, gumming his food and easily swallowing...all signs that he is absolutely ready for solids.  His first meal was banana.  He is in love.  As for me...I am learning to trust myself, trust my mother's intuition, and trust that sometimes (perhaps most of the time) mama really does know best!

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Getting Close

I spent the weekend squirreled away (between feedings and playtime) in my studio, sewing pillows, blankets, flags and bed skirts.  You see, we decided to finish our basement right about the time that our little guy was born.  Seriously...we started construction the same week he was born.  I tried to see it as a positive thing: he got used to sleeping through hammering, sawing and all that other commotion that comes with house projects!

I am getting close to the big unveiling, but I wanted to give you a little sneak peek.  I have never been drawn to the color orange in my decorating, but for some reason, it seemed like the perfect color for our new guest room.  I absolutely LOVE how it turned out.  I can't wait to take you along for the full tour...but in the meantime, take a look at the before picture here.  We've come a long way, baby!

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Back to the Basics

I have had enough.  It's time to get excited about cooking again.  Since the little one was born, we have been getting take-out at least twice a week, and on the nights that I cook, it is pretty much the same thing week after week.  This weekend, in an attempt to reignite my excitement for food, I spent some time checking out cookbooks at the library.  I also paid a visit to the farmers market to stock up on ingredients.

I am craving nourishing, whole foods, and every recipe that I was drawn to emphasized this.  I don't want anything fancy, just good, wholesome basics.  My body is telling me what it needs. So, this weekend, armed with a renewed excitement and a host of interesting recipes, I began cooking again.  Really cooking.

On Saturday, I made an incredible chicken in the slow cooker, and using the bones, made my own stock, with carrots, onions, celery and spices.  It was so rich and flavorful.  It tastes so real...so healthy.  With the stock, and leftover chicken, I made a spicy tortilla soup, chock full of veggies.  For dessert, a pan of homemade cookies, filled with oats, nuts and good chocolate. On Sunday night, I made ground lamb kabobs.  The lamb was straight from the farm, and it was so tender and fresh.  I served it with locally made yogurt, flavored with diced garlic.

Right now, as I write this, I am snacking on roasted chickpeas, seasoned with a variety of Indian spices.  For dessert, a gorgeous macaroon, bought at the farmers market at the recommendation of a trusted foodie friend.

I feel nourished, and filled with excitement at the thought of summer, and the bounty it will bring.  My renewed commitment to good home cooking will also soon be enjoyed by my little one.  I am excited to make his foods- and what better time to start solids then at the beginning of the growing season.  Oh...are his little taste buds in for a treat!

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Super Moon

Did anyone see the super moon on Saturday night?  It was the biggest full moon since 1993.  My mom called and reminded me to run outside and catch a glimpse.

Back in 1993, I was 10 years old, and I awoke one night to find a bright light shining in my bedroom window.  In my sleepy daze, it never occurred to me to look out the window and find the source of the mysterious bright light.  Instead, I just adjusted my blinds to block the light, and went back to bed.  When I awoke in the morning and told my mom about this weird light, she informed me that it was the extremely rare super moon...and I had missed it.  I only had to wait another 17 years to see the next one...and thanks to my mom's phone call, I caught it!  Did you?

**the photo above was taken by my mom.  i cannot, for the life of me, take a picture at night.  do you have any tips for night photography???

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One Word

My weekend plans can be summed up in a word...comfort.  I plan to take comfort in... this squishy little belly prefect for tickling,

...these dimpled little baby hands reaching out for me (don't you love how babies have little dimples instead of knuckles?),

...this gorgeous yarn, and the simple satisfaction of watching each knit and purl become something beautiful and functional,

...the fact that spring is coming, and there is proof in the fragile little flowers poking their heads through the cold, muddy ground,

...the knowledge that together, we can make a difference.

 What is your word for the weekend?

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Neighborhood Watch

My husband teases me mercilessly about my unofficial "neighborhood watch" patrol.  We live on a quiet street, so we don't get much traffic, foot or vehicle.  My desk happens to face a window that gives me a full, unobstructed view of the street (of course I didn't plan it that way...wink!).  I used to sit there for long periods of time while I was writing my book and working on articles.  Of course, I do a lot less sitting these days...but nap time usually finds me parked behind my computer, catching up on work.

Anyway, while at my desk, I like to keep an eye on the comings and goings of the neighbors.  I can't help it...I am nosy, and I am cautious.  Ever since our house was broken into last year, I feel like it is my duty to be aware of my surroundings, and be on the lookout for suspicious activity.  When I hear raised voices, or see a car driving a bit too slowly down the street, I run to the window for a better view.  This is why my husband teases me...he thinks I am morphing into one of those crazy housewives who chases after speeding cars, shaking a broom and yelling, "SLOW DOWN, don't you know there are kids around?"  Luckily...I don't own a broom.

What's the point of my ramblings?  I just wanted to share that my neighborhood watch has finally paid off...not in any cool crime solving kind of way, but in wildlife sightings.  I was working at my desk yesterday, when I happened to look up and see a wild turkey making his way down the street.  I sprinted for my camera and ran to the door to catch a peek.  This might not be an exciting discovery for those of you who live in rural areas, but for me, in my urban setting...this was pretty cool!  Then my mom sent me these pictures of an owl that she saw (during the day!) in front of the house. 

So I simply wanted to show you (talking to my husband here) that my nosy ways have paid off...and I didn't even have to shake my broom.

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It's Here!

This picture pretty much sums up the past year...baby and book!  Yes folks...it has arrived, and it is perfect!  I can hardly convey the joyous feeling of holding my book, feeling the weight of it in my hands, turning the pages and taking in the final product of so much of my time and effort. 

The book feels good.  I know that sounds silly, but it does.  It is the perfect size for traveling, the paper is thick and glossy, and the spine....oh, the spine is pure perfection.  I am so excited to watch my book take flight and make its way into the hands of people who will love it, use it, earmark the pages, wear out the spine, take it along on trips, and drop it into their beach bags.  I hope you will love it as much as I do....May 3rd is the official release date, but it available for pre-order on Amazon.  I have so many exciting book signings and events planned for this summer...I can't wait to let you in on the schedule!

*you will have to excuse the crusty nose in the first picture...we tried to get all pretty and polished for the photo shoot, but someone refused to let me wash his face.  it was a losing battle and I quickly gave up the fight.

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A Mother's Vulnerability

I am ashamed to admit that it wasn't until this weekend, when I finally had a few moments alone, that I logged online and learned about the extent of the disaster in Japan.  We do not have cable, and we are rarely in the car, so NPR, which used to be my source for news, isn't a regular part of my day anymore.  I feel embarrassed at how out of touch I am, how wrapped up in "baby world" I have become.

As I caught up on the situation in Japan, I felt a wave of compassion, fear and vulnerability.  Natural disasters have always been troubling, and in the past few years, I feel that we have witnessed far more than ever before...hurricanes, tsunamis, floods...it can often feel as though the end is near.  But now, as a mother, I find myself much more affected by this most recent natural disaster, not to mention the terrifying man-made nuclear disaster unfolding.

There is something about having a tiny baby, so helpless and dependent, that makes me feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility.  What if disaster were to strike close to home?  I have no doubt that I would give my life without a second thought to protect my child, but what if I couldn't save him?  I think of the mothers in Japan who witnessed their children being swept away...and there was nothing they could do.

I hadn't prepared myself for this side of motherhood.  I believe it is called vulnerability.  The world can seem like such a scary place when you have an infant in your care.  I will never forget the first walk I took when I got home from the hospital.  I was wearing my little one, just a few days old, in a sling, and walking with my mom to our local library, four blocks away from home.  It was the scariest walk of my life.  Every passing car seamed to pose a threat- what if they lost control at the wheel and veered onto the sidewalk?  The bus that churned out thick black smoke seemed like a horrible disaster- what if that smoke made its way into my baby's pure lungs?  Every person that we passed was viewed with suspicion- what if they tried to snatch my baby from me?

For so much of our lives, we only have to worry about keeping ourselves safe.  When you give birth, you are suddenly responsible for keeping someone else safe, and what a great responsibility that is.  My solution to accepting this responsibility?  I take a deep breath every morning before I walk into the nursery, and I remind myself that I am doing my best to keep him safe and out of harms way, and to show him that the world is not a scary place, but a beautiful place- and that is all that I can do.

My heart goes out to everyone in Japan... but especially the mothers.  I can only imagine how painfully vulnerable they must feel as they try to keep their children safe.

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Relics from a Lost Era

I had a sudden burst of energy yesterday, which I decided to channel into some spring cleaning.  I tackled my closet, and in the process of de-cluttering, managed to unearth my incredible shoe collection, left over from my days as a single girl living in Chicago!

I worked days at a non-profit, and at night, I earned crazy cash as a cocktail waitress.  Every six months or so, when Barney's had their huge sales, I would splurge on a pair of designer shoes.  Yes- me...the same me who now resides strictly in the land of slip-on clogs and nursing tanks.  Shocking...I know!

I absolutely loved dancing in those days, and I could dance all night in these heels.  Our nights would begin around 11pm, and last until the wee hours of the morning.  The soles of many a great shoe met their demise on the dance floors of Chicago's hip-hop clubs.

It felt so strange sitting on my closet floor, holding these relics from such a long lost time in my life.  I started this whole marriage/baby thing at a young age, walking down the aisle at 24, and giving birth to my little one at 27.  I made the switch from dancing and Dolce, to diapers and dishes so quickly it almost made my head spin.  But I have no regrets.  While my nights may no longer be filled with cabs, clubs, and cocktails...they are filled with so much love.  I can assure you that no part of me feels like dancing at 5am in the morning when the monitor begins to make a commotion, but when my little guy looks up at me after his feeding, and smiles his precious, gummy smile...there is a part of me that feels like doing a little happy jig.

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Back in the Saddle

Thank you so much for all of your uplifting comments, and emails.  It is so nice to know that I am not alone in my feelings, and that this "slump" is common for new moms, and, really, all of us dealing with the seasons, and the ups and downs of life.  Why don't people talk about this more...that is a mystery to me?  Perhaps we are afraid of being judged.  In fact, that was why I was hesitant to share.  I kept telling myself: "You have so much to be thankful for- a loving and supportive husband, family and friends, a beautiful house, the option to stay home with your happy, healthy baby, a career you love- stop whining and buck up."  But as soon as I allowed myself to be honest, and in turn, heard your honest thoughts on the matter...it was as if a weight lifted, and I felt that it was okay to say: "I'm having a tough time. Yes, I am blessed, but I am having a tough time."

Okay...a report from the front lines.  Not that one weekend can cure anything...but this weekend was a start.  My husband was amazing, taking the baby so that I could sleep in, and get out of the house by myself during the day.  I went to the knitting shop and finished these gorgeous fingerless mittens that I have been working on.  I stopped by the nursery and bought some houseplants to infuse some greenery into our home.  I watched the entire sixth season of Weeds (hilarious... so, so hilarious).  I went out for breakfast and actually finished my entire cup of coffee (something that hasn't happened since my little one was born)!  Finally, together as a family, we had Sunday tea over at our friend's house, complete with cupcakes and finger sandwiches.

Yes, this weekend was just what I needed.  However, now it is Tuesday morning, my little guy is cutting a tooth, and I think I slept a total of 3 hours last night.  Am I cured of my midwinter blues...no, but I am hoping to harness the energy of this past weekend and infuse it throughout my week.  That's the plan, at least!  Thank you for sharing your stories, thank you for your positive, supportive comments, thank you for your honesty, thank you for commiserating.  Thank you for being here.

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A Moment of Honesty

I try to keep this blog upbeat.  It is not in my nature to complain, especially not these days, when life is full of such wonderful blessings.  I also try not to delve too deeply into personal matters.  I appreciate bloggers that share everything from their birth story, to their baby's embarrassing potty training moments...but there are some things that I find to be sacred, moments meant only for my family.  I also feel that my little guy is not choosing to have his life chronicled in detail for the the whole world to read...so I try to keep details concerning him to a minimum.

But (you knew there would be a 'but')...this has been a tough week, and I feel like exploring the "why's" even though I might wander into personal territory.  Perhaps what I am feeling can be chocked up to a case of midwinter blues, or maybe, as my friend suggested, it is a case of the "four-month slump." Either way, I don't feel like myself.

I love every moment that I spend with my little man, and he is the happiest, most content baby around, but right now, the days feel very long and lonely.  We make it out for a walk every day, but I am growing so weary of bundling us both up from head to toe.  Often, by the time we are ready to go, I am exhausted. We have explored all of the indoor activities I can think of...from the botanical gardens, to the library...but those trips also require super-human efforts.  Bundle up the baby, pack the diaper bag, schedule it perfectly between naps and feedings...finally, we are in the car and on our way, and the little guy starts his fussing.  He hates the car (that picture above is his "car pout")...he much prefers to be in his stroller, or Baby Bjorn.

And so...we spend the majority of our time at home together.  I love it when he is awake...we play and giggle, listen to music and dance.  But he spends so much time napping, and although I have so much to do, from house work to writing, I mainly just want to lay down and take a nap.  Or pop in a movie and knit.  That is all I feel like doing these days.  I am frustrated with my lack of motivation.

Perhaps I need to be more gentle with myself, and allow time off for movies and knitting, napping and slacking off.  Perhaps I need to give myself a break when dinner ends up being take-out instead of home cooking.  I don't know.  I don't know what the answer is, but I do feel a bit better just getting that off my chest. 

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The Naptime Crusader

This week has flown by in a flurry of nap-time productivity.  My to-do list was threatening to overtake me at the start of this week, so I made it my goal to start chipping away at it while the little one sleeps.  Much of my list is full of self-imposed tasks.

I am trying to pull together a recently renovated part of the house...which involves lots of sewing, DIY projects and organizing...tasks that used to be easy before the addition of my little man!  Now...not so much!  But I am moving, slowly, towards the finish line.  And that is good enough for me!

I did take time out of the busyness to meet up with two of my favorite bloggers for lunch at the always adorable Duck & Bunny! The food was delicious...the conversation even better.  It is always funny to meet up with bloggers in real life.  You wonder if they are going to be as charming and sweet as their blogs make them out to be.  In this case...these girls are twice as charming and twice as sweet!

As for the little one...he is becoming quite the lunchtime guest, chatting away with the ladies, giggling and smiling on demand, and being just as charming as can be!  I think he will be invited along again!

**In other exciting news....I was chosen as Yankee Magazine's Photographer of the Month!!  What a huge honor!  Stop by and check out my photo selections!

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