Surfacing Fears
When I took a hard look at the thoughts bouncing around my head, there was one fear that seemed to surface in a big way. I know it's been lurking there for quite some time, but it has chosen to surface. That fear is creative irrelevance. I want, so badly, to be relevant in both my writing and photography. The question is- relevant to who? This is what I don't know...who is this mysterious panel of judges out there, ready to weigh in on my state of relevance? I'm not sure.
I do know that I am feeling as though I have reached a creative stalemate. I feel as though my photography is stuck...I am ready to learn more, see more, shoot more. I signed up for this class...and I am hoping that it will unstick me, push me to learn how to better use my camera.
As for my writing, one of the challenged of being a nonficiton writer is coming up with stories. Being at home with a baby, I have less interactions, which means less chances to find story ideas. I need to work on that. I have a few ideas bouncing around in my head on how to go about doing that....starting with a lunch date today with a community gardener activist. I know she has some stories to tell.
Anyway...I am rambling now. But I wanted to share this peculiar fear, and I wonder...do you feel it too? Do you have a deep desire to make your work important and relevant? Have you figured out who judges relevance? How do you deal with creative staleness? How...why...where...what?
I am not even sure any of this makes sense...but don't I get a few point for putting it out there!?
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Fears..are a very helpful realization. It's interesting, I was actually listing them out in my head last night while trying to fall asleep...it is hard though to maintain a healthy balance/perspective...so easy to slip into anxiety mode, in which these fears are irrationally measured. Well, now I am rambling too! Just wanted to say that this post was encouraging and appreciated.
I think this makes complete sense. The good news is that you are past step 1: Figuring out your area of interest/talent. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
not only does it make sense-- I love how your mind works--- and I can totally see how being absorbed in daily life of raising that little boy can cut you off from the kind of stimulation that used to prompt a gazillion story ideas-- but that will all come back to the fold-- even if right now you have to actively carve out those interactions right now
I'm new to your blog and I'm not sure how old you are but if this helps those fears are normal.... whatever normal is but as you get older you will have less of them. I was a very fearful 20something year old. In my 30's I got rid of stuff that didnt work for me(ie. a marriage, a career, certain people). Now that I'm in my forties I kind of sort of know how I work internally, emotionally and physically and this knowledge brings power and less....fear. And as you get older you will realize that the only judge who really matters is you because after all you are stuck with yourself FOREVER!!! and God if you believe.
So if you can put your head on your pillow at night without a sense that something is missing or wrong you are gonna be just fine my dear.
I can really relate. An artist friend has told me many times,these fears ensure creative growth is happening. If we felt satisfied we would stay the same. Sounds like a great meeting today. You are taking action moving along the path of evolving by taking new approaches, and courses to empower yourself. They will lead to rich experiences and a deepening of wisdom. I think you're raising the bar for yourself.
Find your passion and live it because you love it. Don't worry about the judges. Just enjoy the journey of YOU! There will be plenty of people who will relate, and they will find you!
Funny, I wrote a post today echoing similar sentiments. I've also been feeling stuck, unmotivated and unsure relative to creative potential. I know I'm creative and I know I want to push myself to really believe in and live that creativity every day. I'm just not sure where to begin.
I recently started blogging about my interests and since I'm in the design industry, trends are constantly changing and evolving to the point where I almost feel behind all the time. I also analyze other people's work, so I'm sometimes afraid that the consensus I come to is "wrong" or I'm missing the point entirely. But then I remember that no one has any claim to my opinions or thoughts, and that there isn't a "wrong answer" in the creative field. This is your life story, so you have the right to tell it in any way you please. Your true followers will thank you for it and continue to stay. :)
I completely relate. I'm sitting in a big pot of fear right now and wishing I had the answers to give all of us. All I know is to work through it by finding every ounce of motivation possible. Sometimes fear can be an exciting time to finding something new. Thanks for sharing.