He was exhausted when we got home, and all out of sorts (I guess he is not a fan of the mall either, even the outdoor one), and it took me quite some time to settle him down and get him to sleep. Then the mom-guilt hit me over taking him on such a "selfish" outing. I'll admit to getting hit with the mom guilt quite a bit lately.
This is one of those tricky subjects...but I want to talk about it honestly. There are certain aspects of being a work-at-home and stay-at-home mom that I have found to be extremely difficult. My career seems to be just now taking flight (seriously, why couldn't that have happened when I was childless and twiddling my thumbs for months on end?), and while it is a wonderful thing, it also means that there is a never ending to-do list. I find myself working like a mad women during his nap time, and often, after he wakes up, and I feed him, I let him play on the floor while I send out a few last emails, or wrap up the end of a writing assignment. I do not have the time to make all of his baby food (which I really want to do), or join a mom's group, or become a regular at our library's story hour. When Vijay is awake, I am completely devoted to him, and we stay busy doing enriching activities- long walks, playing at the library, trips to the children's museum, playdates with friends. But there are days where I wonder if I am doing enough- enough work, enough mothering, enough engaging with other moms and babies. There are days were I am barely clinging on to my sanity- trying to be ensure that my book will be a success, and be the best mom that I can be.
I try not to let the "mom-guilt" get to me...but when I find myself feeding him sweet potato out of a jar, while talking to a work-contact on the phone, while at the same time trying to eat a bit of lunch myself, and type an email- I wonder if this sentiment might apply to my life: "You can do everything, but you can't do everything well."